The deeply ingrained sense of not being good enough

The feeling of inadequacy, of not being good enough, not being worthy is such a domineering factor in the human experience. It’s there in all of us by design, as a side effect of the intellect. It’s very apparent in some people and it goes unnoticed by the vast majority.

I feel lucky to belong to the people that have awareness of their own sense of built in unworthiness, because this gives me the chance to look at my behaviour and see which of my actions may be driven by this imperious and yet elusory feeling.

I’m glad to see I’ve made progress. Although, a more truthful way of putting this would be: I was dumbfounded to read a post I wrote some 6 years ago on quitting smoking and habit tweaking.

What shocked me was the extent, to which the idea of bettering myself possessed me. Looking at the sheet I put together to track progress, it was nothing short of an obsession.

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Pretending you know

Have you ever seen a couple of months old baby up close? 

If you have, you must have noticed how they look at the world around them. With complete awe, and as if they have no clue about what’s going on, what all this is.

The inadequacy, and awkwardness of their every action is proof of a level of freedom, purity and authenticity that we, adults could only dream of. 

What changes as we grow up? How do we lose that new born awe and wonder? How do we lose that pure authenticity to be who we are in the process of growing up? What is it in growing up that takes that freedom away?

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How to Break Out of the Busy Trap: Waste Time Consciously

How to Break Out of the Busy Trap: Waste Time Consciously

You never seem to finish your to-do list. And you often don’t even know what to do first because so many important and urgent tasks compete for your attention.

You’ve tried every productivity app, but your several to do lists keep on growing. You’ve read all the articles on how to get more done. What you have to show for it is feeling busy and trapped.

Let’s take a step back.

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The Many Facets of Veganism and How It Can Improve Health and Finances at The Same Time

Thanks to a number of influential people over the years shifting to veganism, it has grown in popularity year-on-year, with many jumping on the bandwagon without fully understanding what it is all about.

So with that in mind, this article will provide an overview of veganism, particularly in terms of how it can have an impact on your health.

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The thrill of letting go

The sun has gone down, and it’s new moon. You are riding a bike downhill a serpentine road patterned by patches of gravel and potholes. The headlamp you are wearing is not designed for this. You only see what’s in front of you when it may be too late.

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How to treat insomnia

Almost everyone is affected by insomnia at some point in their lives, the condition in which you have the opportunity to sleep and yet you can’t. There are different types of insomnia and there may be several underlying causes. I’ll be talking about what I have here, which is transient insomnia.

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Louis CK Performs Live in Budapest

Louis CK Performs Live in Budapest

Louis CK came to Budapest. And I went to see him.

I haven’t always been a fan. I recall my first encounter of his stand up on YouTube very vividly. It was a piece where he groans like a moron for about two minutes. I didn’t judge him by that alone though. I had a look at some of his other videos. And came to the conclusion that the guy was an ugly, aggressive idiot who invented a way to get paid for venting out his frustrations on stage. Fast forward a few years, and I’m waiting in line to see the man perform live in Budapest.

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The spiritual depths of mountain biking

When you are out biking in the woods, you naturally prefer going downhill to going uphill. Downhills are easy and fun. Uphills are arduous, even frustrating at times.

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The lessons I learnt trying to learn too many lessons

I began this year with reflection, looking back at the past year trying to connect the dots. One thing stood out: I had consumed a ton of information in various shapes and forms and had several realizations of my own. And yet, I didn’t feel I had managed to keep a good record of these let alone internalize and act on them.

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From Monkey Mind to No Mind

Mind, as a noun, is quite misleading. It sounds like a part of your body, an organ even, while it’s actually a function of the brain. It’s a process that your consciousness perceives as the inner chatter, a relentless succession of thoughts. Only by making that distinction do you have a chance to take control over the mind.

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How being an info junkie fucks up your life

Your mind is drowning in information.

It’s screaming for help, but you can’t hear it. You get a sense that something isn’t right, but you don’t know what. So you search for what might be the problem and feed your mind even more information in the process.

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The Century of The Self – A Summary, Critique and Practical Lessons

The Century of The Self – A Summary, Critique and Practical Lessons

This documentary is nothing short of astonishing. It gives you an explanation to why the world is the way it is today and how human nature shaped it in the past century. Even if you didn’t learn any new facts from it (you will), it would be worth watching just for the way it connects the dots. It’s made up of four parts. I’ll share my notes and critical thoughts of it.

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Lessons Learned #5/2016

Tell people what they are not ready to hear in increments they can handle or they will turn against you. One of the easiest ways of alienating people is telling them what they are not ready to hear. We all have believes that govern our lives. We have built these believes through a lifetime of learning and experience and are emotionally invested in them. When somebody openly challenges these foundations, our gut reaction is refusal and cutting contact with that person to avoid cognitive dissonance and protect our identity. If you want people to stay cooperative, tell them what they are not ready to hear in increments they can handle or packaged in a way that will allow them to adjust their believes by letting them complete the puzzle themselves. (NOTE: Some of the time “shock therapy” does work. In fact there are times when only telling the brutal facts work.)

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Lessons Learned #4/2016

The career path of most well known gangsters follow the very same pattern. They start small time and make it to the top through a mix of ability, skill, deliberation and luck. They spend some time on the top ruling their world and acting like a god. In the end, they all come crumbling down. Some die, others go to prison for what is left of their lives. There is a moment in all of their stories, after which there is no turning back. And that’s the moment they get identified with the role they were playing. They are unable to look reality in the face and accept that they are not really all powerful. They go down rather than detach themselves from the role. There is a lesson there for all of us not aspiring for a career in crime. We start making bad decisions as soon as we fully identify with whatever role we are playing and loose the ability to get perspective. So the lesson is:

You start losing the game the moment you forget that you are playing it. So don’t. 

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Choosing What to Think: No Bullshit Meditation

Do you choose the contents of your awareness? If you pay attention, you’ll quickly realize you don’t. So who or what does then? If you are not in control of what’s in your head, are you in control of anything?

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Lessons Learned #3/2016

To gauge the likeliness of a future event, look at similar events first, and particulars second. Learn more. 

Question authority and ideas taken for granted by other people. In the end, you are always responsible for the choices you make even if someone tells you otherwise. Inspired by Stanley Milgram

Reduce or eliminate chronic inflammation (the cause of most chronic disease) by:

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I’m not like most people – Why the blind obedience to authority?

I’m not like most people. We like to think that don’t we? Especially when most people are depicted as sadistic maniacs, or at the very least, as people who will torture a human being just because someone else says so.

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Lessons Learned #2/2016

To live 100+ do low intensity exercise most of your waking hours. Have a purpose for existence. Switch off regularly. Drink little, eat little animal products and mostly plant foods, not too much. Have strong family ties, belong to a community and hang out with people who reinforce all your positive habits.

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Lessons Learned #1/2016

I learn new stuff all the time. Some of it I figure out from my own experience, some is inspired by books, movies or personal encounters. Over time, much of this knowledge fades away and is phased out by new ideas I get busy with. I want to change that and be able to internalize the stuff I learn and to also put it into practice.

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How to form new habits: a brutally honest follow-up on what worked and what didn’t a year on

In the fall of 2014, after an intense period of non-stop travel through South and North America, I chose to settle. I had to build up my life systems and routines from scratch. I read a couple of  books on how habits worked and started experimenting. I’d already posted a follow-up a few weeks later, where I came to conclusions that still hold true today. However, now, a year later, I have a much more accurate overview of what worked and what didn’t.

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