What’s wrong with dying today?

Oaxaca –  Lorena Rodriguez

The plane shakes as we hit turbulence. I sit by the window so I can see the tip of the right wing wobble like a piece of paper in the wind.

My involuntary reaction is fear. I grab hold of the seat in front of me and keep looking at the wing wondering whether it’s possible for the air to break or at least bend it a little.

Then I pause for a moment.

I think about fear and what it actually is that I fear.

I fear that the plane might crash and I might die. So I ask myself, what’s wrong with dying?

What’s wrong with dying today?

There are so many things I still want to do. I don’t have a bucket list, because it would fill a book, but I want to travel, I want to fall in love, grow old and tell stories to my grandchildren, just to name a few.

When I look at the wobbling wings, I fear that I may not be able to do any of those things.

La Vida y La Muerte (Life and Death) Lorena Rodriguez

I take a deep breath.

I realize there is nothing I can do to stop the plane from crashing if it has to.

I realize that the source of my fear is not the wobbling wings, and not even the thought of dying in a plane crash, but my idea of how I want things to work out.

I want and expect everything to go the way I planned it. I fear that I may not be able to travel, fall in love and tell stories to my grandchildren when I grow old. I fear I may not grow old at all.

This fear has nothing to do with airplanes, wings and turbulence. But everything to do with my inability to let go.

As I ponder over this, a sense of peace and acceptance ensues in me.  And I realize those expectations for things to turn out in a certain way belong to my rational mind.

Deep down I know that every outcome is equally good.

As soon as I admit that to myself, the fear evaporates and I find the wobbling wing not fearful, but  funny.

Now I know there is nothing to fear and there is nothing wrong with dying today.

Life and Death – Alex Lavrov